Some Rain Must Fall
by lunazero
Summary: Nick Valentine and all the wonderful and painful ways he wouldn't let her put her past behind her.
She _really_ misses her make-up.

With a sigh, she realizes how completely shallow that seems. But with the bruised looking skin underneath her tired eyes and knowing how that puts a worried look in some of her companions (Preston, Piper, and hell, even Codsworth had his own two cents to add, though his concern was always followed by a backhanded type of compliment, which she has come to appreciate with her own twisted sense of humor) … But this is one of those days when she'd rather avoid all the pity. She was tired physically, the lack of sleep and the strain of all the Med-X and Stimpacks she had taken yesterday taking a toll. Her body was still sore and she'd been plagued by bad dreams, some that had her sweating and tossing until she'd jerked awake right before falling off the couch she had gotten used to sleeping on in her tomb of a house in Sanctuary.

Maybe that was her mistake, she thought idly as she stepped away from the cracked surface of the mirror she and Nate used to get ready in front of a couple of centuries ago. Maybe it was that she continued to stay in her skeletal home, a constant reminder of what she had lost. She hadn't been able to sleep in the master bedroom, even though Sturges had built a bed for her there and had boarded up the open walls while she was out following the clues that would hopefully lead to an answer. Maybe she needed to get some distance from this place.

She dug in her satchel, finally bringing out a new pair of eyeglasses she had managed to scavenge yesterday. The prescription wasn't right, of course, and putting them on gave her a new issue to deal with - headaches and slight nausea. This always happened when her prescription changed and she silently wished for her contact lenses in addition to her make-up.

She didn't wish for the things that really mattered, though. Didn't wish she was back home, in her own time. Didn't wish that Nate was waking up next to her. Didn't wish her baby was still in her arms, safe and sound. Didn't wish once again that it was _her_ and not Nate that had died that day…

She tried not to double over with the pain, instead closing her eyes and slowly measuring her breathing until it quieted, until the panic that was threatening to come out subsided. She had promised herself, after laying on the cold, hard floor of Vault 111 for hours after waking, that there was no time anymore for these thoughts and as such it was pointless to dwell on them. They would get her _nowhere_. She had learned how to compartmentalize early in her life, her childhood being fraught with trauma, and although she felt this had made her stronger in the long run, she also knew that when the grief hit her, it would be at random times and it would take over whether she let it or not. So she had learned to control it as best she could. Sometimes, the shaking would overtake her and she had to hold her breath and close her eyes and tighten her limbs and hope that this would be enough to hold her together because she swore this time she would definitely fall apart…

"Mornin'. Ready to get this show on the road? The glasses look good, by the way. Didn't know you needed them to see; your shooting doesn't give anything away."

Her eyes opened and a part of her was glad it was Nick at her open doorstep, his yellow eyes studying her carefully. His voice reminded her of the precinct she had spent many a work day in, his mannerisms were calming, familiar. She could almost smell the cigarette smoke and left over whiskey after an evening of hard work from putting a case together...

He was also kind enough not to remark on her haggard appearance.

She forced a smile onto her face and settled a military hat on her head before slinging her satchel over her shoulder. She could do this. With Nick by her side, she could continue her search for her missing baby. She was focused and determined and she had the best PI from Diamond City by her side. There was just one thing she needed to clear up before they left. "Nick?"

"Nora?" His hands were in the pockets of his trench coat.

"I'm going with 'Sole' from now on."

"Pardon?"

Her smile widened as her heart broke a little. Another part of her that she was burying back in 2077. "I'm leaving Nora behind, Nick. I can't…" she faltered for a bit, but forced herself to continue, "I'm not Nora anymore."

He studied her silently and she could almost hear his gears turning as he contemplated her. But before he could pity her as well, she walked past him, closing her door behind her and vowing that she was not coming back without a solid lead this time; she had stocked the budding settlement with enough supplies to last them for a while, so long as they were careful.

Maybe her sleeping would improve, although a big part of her really doubted that.

They walked on in silence for a while, even taking out a couple of mole rats on the road without speaking. This is what she appreciated about Nick. They had a almost silent communication going, even in battle. And after a few more hours of walking and killing and an almost deadly run into a stunted yao guai, they finally made it to Diamond City once again and she thought they had made some pretty good progress.

While Nick stopped at Ellie's desk so she could catch him up on what he'd missed, 'Sole', who smirked internally at her own wordplay, disappeared to the roof with one of his cigarette packs in her hand and a lighter in her other. Nora hadn't been much of a smoker since meeting her husband, but 'Sole' was going to be a smoker, guilt be damned. Even though there was nothing to feel guilty about anymore, really.

When she finally heard the door opening behind her, she was sitting cross-legged on the roof, a cigarette smoking idly in hand, her gaze a million miles away. She was glad he hadn't been around to hear her cough up a lung after that first dizzying hit. Not that he would've made fun of her. Nick didn't strike her as the type.

He settled himself silently beside her, taking the cigarette she offered him that she lit with her own before handing it over. They smoked in comfortable silence and Sole couldn't stop her mind from catching the similarities. Nick reminded her so very much of someone she had known, a detective that she had gotten really attached to in her prosecution practice. He had smoked the same way that Nick did, his voice as gravelly and grounding. He had always stayed late with her, his shirtsleeves rolled up, his tie loosened, his hair mussed from running a frustrated hand through it… She remembered the time she had laughed at his suggestion that he wouldn't take a vacation knowing that she wasn't, that they'd be forced to vacation together if she had ever wanted him to relax...

With an angry huff, Sole tried to push that away. She needed to be in the here and now, not in her old life. That didn't exist anymore, _she_ didn't exist anymore. As far as this fucked up world was concerned, she was nothing that mattered, not in her time, not in this time.

"Sole, huh?"

"Yep." She didn't elaborate, instead crushing her cigarette out before grabbing another out of the pack and turning to face Nick. Without thinking about it, holding the cigarette between her lips, she leaned forward and took a puff as the tip landed on his lit cigarette, trying to get it to start. And when her eyes landed on her hand, the way it had reached out to fist in the fabric of his tie, to pull him closer to her, another time, another man, a man who wasn't her husband flashed through her mind, and she remembered how disoriented she had felt that day, her breathing heavy, her heart thundering as the detective had leaned closer, their bodies so close together that if she had wanted to, she could finally have answered that longing in his eyes he had tried to so hard to hide…

Sole backed away from Nick so suddenly, she almost lost her balance and tipped over the roof in her haste, but Nick's firm hand reached out for her and steadied her as he held her in place. She realized she was breathing heavily, just like that time, and she had backed away too quickly, just like that time and a lump rose in her throat at the amount of emotion she was trying to tamp down. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing once again and didn't realize her hand still had Nick's tie in a vise-like grip or that he still held her steady, his non-metal hand on her warm.

"Nora?"

"Please don't call me that."

"Kid... look at me."

She opened her eyes and instead of calming her nerves, his new nickname sent a shudder through her at its familiarity. That's what her detective had called her. And after that incident with the cigarette, she had realized it was a way to create distance between them. She had never cheated on Nate, but there had been a time when she had wondered at the strength and future of their marriage...

And then she had ended up pregnant and he had insisted that she leave the firm and that had been an end to that portion of her life.

But this was a different time, and this was not her past life. She breathed around her cigarette once again, forcing her grip to loosen and putting her mask on once again. "Yes, Nick?"

She had to learn to live without that make-up.


End file.
